samspratt:

SAM SPRATT’s 2014 PORTRAIT GIVEAWAY

In short: Reblogs and Likes of this picture are each entries to have me paint a personalized portrait of you.

In slightly less short: Longtime followers are no stranger to these contests but for those new to this or me, I’m an illustrator (my work: www.samspratt.com ) who has worked with National Geographic, Janelle Monáe, Childish Gambino, FX, Game Informer, Angry Birds, Wall Street Journal, among others – creating album and magazine covers, advertisements, and posters – but a big part of me being able to do all that has been you sharing my work over the last 3 years. As my small way of paying that forward, I’d like to paint for one of you as I would for my clients, but ya know … for free. Maybe you want that regal portrait of you in a velvet smoking jacket to hang over your mantle, maybe one of your loved one, favorite character, or perhaps you just want me to paint you however I see fit (warning: this will 100% involve dinosaurs) – if you can think it, I’ll probably paint it – and I’ll work with you to make it something special.

As usual I’ll also be sending signed prints and haikus about your eyebrows to extra winners. The contest will stay open for about a week then I’ll randomly draw winners. You can enter on facebook and twitter for extra entries but be cool and don’t spam your followers.


princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes




sosuperawesome:

Jon Shaw, on Tumblr

And Etsy


joehillsthrills:

henryholt:

uispeccoll:

Follow up from our post last week featuring Autumn, the art and design blog Colossal asked to see all four volumes and posted about them today. These are scientific books on the seasons by Robert Mudie from 1837 and were donated by Charlotte Smith. See it in the catalog: http://infohawk.uiowa.edu/F/?func=find-b&find_code=SYS&local_base=UIOWA&request=002786455

See the post on Colossal! “Secret Fore-edge Paintings Revealed in Early 19th Century Books at the University of Iowa”

.

Even more dimensions to books.

Beautiful.


schokocheety:

Picture posted on David Ayer’s twitter. Logan Lerman at war for “Fury”.


natgeofound:

Hikers stand near the top of a natural rock bridge on Mt. Rainier, Washington, May 1963.
Photograph by Barry Bishop, National Geographic


Photographed by Mark Abrahams. (x)